2004-11-23 - 3:54 p.m.
Life During Bore Time
I feel so primitive being without a computer. But no job and no home equals having to go without certain things.
Being unemployed sucks. I don't understand how people can milk the bullshit system. I had to go to the unemployment office last week, and that was worse than going to a shitty job. The government is NOT there to help you. I'm convinced that the employees at the office on Stony Island aren't even there to help themselves. It's all I could do to tell them that they aren't fit to do my laundry.
So, sitting there, at that office, I didn't feel any sense of entitlement--nothing at all like, "Gimme my muthafuckin' check, bitch!" It was more of a sense of superiority, which made me feel even worse. Still, I couldn't help but feel that I SHOULDN'T be there, because I am not like THEM--the zombielike people who sat around me, unmotivated. Not that I am mister motivated, but there were plenty of things I could have been doing besides sitting there.
I have seen daytime TV and it is even more fucked up than being unemployed. The commercials target fuck-ups, losers, the unemployed, house wives, house husbands, the overweight, the old, et al. If you never wanted to die, watch daytime TV and you just might pray for an end to the pain and suffering that the advertisers try to convince you is your life (or might become your life). FUCK! SHOOT ME NOW!
I got a 4-track recorder that needed to be fixed. I fixed it and started recording songs. I also discovered a bunch of tapes that I recorded when I was a teenager. I couldn't believe it. They were like a letter written to the future. It was nice to hear, yet I felt bad for what my parents had to put up with during my teenage years. I can tell exactly what I was listening to at the time: Wax Trax! records stuff; Cocteau Twins, Xymox, and other 4AD stuff; and, of course, Joy Division. Puts a dour spin on an already bleak period in one's life.
Time's almost up on this computer. Lately I feel like time's almost up in everything.
