2004-09-20 - 9:45 a.m.
But Not For Me
My brother is listening to the Ahmad Jamal Trio’s “But Not for Me.” That was our mom’s favorite jazz record. Brother just went on and on about how our mother always talked about that record, and whenever anyone bought an Ahmad Jamal cd for her, she’d politely thank the person, but one could always tell that she wasn’t overwhelmed. “I don’t know how many cds we gave her and all she ever said was, ‘Thank you. That’s nice.’ Who was it that finally found the right one?”
I was the one who found it—a Japanese import. Because I gave it to her at the time she was beginning to go through her ordeal, she politely thanked me and put it aside. It wasn’t until a few weeks later, when she was feeling better and was up and around that she said, “Oh, look! Where did I get this?” I told her. She thanked me, and put the cd on, playing the song “Poinciana” over and over again. On her vinyl copy of the record, there’s a check mark by it. I’m guessing that this was her favorite track, or as some jazz person might say, “…her favorite cut.”
Whenever she would listen to jazz, she’d usually say, “Man. I could kick myself for not buying that record from my teacher.” Then someone would inevitably ask, and she’d tell the story of how one of her substitute 7th grade teachers, a young guy, was in a jazz band and was selling records that his band made. “Come on,” he said, “I’ll sell it to you for [I can’t remember how much] dollars?”
“I would,” my mom told him, “but I don’t have the money right now.” (It was probably only, like five, bucks or something.)
“All right. How ’bout tomorrow then?”
“OK.”
If I recall, she never saw the teacher again.
When I think about my mother talking about the path her life took, she never said she wished that she wouldn’t have had so many kids, or that she could have been rich, or that her kids had been more grateful. I do, however, remember her saying that she wished she would’ve bought that record. “Who knows,” she’d say. “It could be worth something right now.”
I think it’s definitely worth something when someone’s biggest regret in life was not buying a record from a teacher. I’m sure it’s worth more than I’ll ever know.
