2004-07-16 - 7:26 a.m.
It's Over...and Over Again
We buried her yesterday. We buried her and the reality and finality haven't hit me yet. It just seems like this is a television show--"To Be Continued." This could have something to do with having so many people at the house. It seems like it'll never end. It's going to suck when it does hit me. It'll probably be somewhere quiet, such as a supermarket. There've been so many people around that it's been impossible to grieve. I've been angry. I've been super fucking pissed. I haven't, however, had time to really accept the fact that she's gone.
The wake? The wake was incredible. Hundreds of people. It was like old-home-week crammed into seven hours. All of our friends, family, even the co-workers of our in-laws. Amazing.
She didn't look as skinny as she was. They did a good job disguising her illness. The thing about the make-up job was that she never looked like that. In the casket, she just looked like some random Mexican woman. In life, with the exception of (probably) her illness, there really wasn't anything random about her. She knew exactly what she wanted. A perfectionist whose example I tried to follow. "If you're not going to do it right, then leave it and I'll do it!" With me it's worse because if something's not turning out the way I envision it, then I just sort of leave it.
Anyway, the wake was incredible. The funeral was amazing. It seemed as if everyone who attended the wake came back the next morning to pay their final, final respects. The funeral director asked that people just file past the casket and not stop as that would make us late for church. The procession of cars went on for several blocks. It's amazing that my parents touched the lives of that many people. Most of our old friends from the neighborhood said the same thing, "She was like my second mother."
She didn't want a sad funeral and asked that a gospel choir sing. My brother couldn't get the choir, but got the choir director. [More about that in another post.]
At the end of the mass, the woman sang and played, "Oh Happy Day"--my mother's big request. Even more people added to the procession after the mass.
At the cemetery, everyone made sure to put a flower on the casket and it was piled high. We didn't stay to see them lower the casket.
The luncheon was huge, of course. And after, people came to the house again. This is really annoying me, as I'm convinced that the people who come are here for the free food and, now, the air conditioning, as they don't have air conditioning of their own. Couldn't stand it so I slept at a friend's place last night.
Anyway, I'm getting mad thinking about the crowds so I should stop here.
