2004-07-10 - 1:57 p.m.
Still
Yesterday the nurse told my sister that my mother is bleeding internally. Apparently it's no big deal. The nurse can't figure out why my mother is still here. We've told her many times that our mother is stubborn. "I wish she would stop fighting and just let go," the nurse said. She said my mother probably won't make it through the weekend. Last Thursday, however, she told us my mother had about three days at most. It's ten days later. She probably only has a few hours left.
This morning my mother asked for water and also asked that I brush her teeth. I did. She told my sister that she's scared. Sister tried to reassure her, but in addition to being a bit of a hypochondriac (before she found out that she was having gallbladder problems, she was sure she had AIDS), my mother has always been on the timid side. (Although when she did get angry, boy oh boy!)
Other News
In other news, received a letter in the mail telling me I passed the test I took in May to get a job. I am now on the waiting list. The fucked up thing is that I'm on the "B" list. The "A" list pretty much guarantees an interview. The "B" list pretty much guarantees that I'll be unemployed and my ego will be bruised for a while. Had I correctly answered those questions about cars, I'd be an "A-lister."
Add that to the everything else that's been going on: my mother + losing my job soon + the stupid fucking Chicago weather--so far this summer has sucked.
I keep telling myself things are going to get better, then a voice inside my head laughs at me and says, "Yeah. You keep telling yourself that!"
FUCK!
