2004-07-08 - 6:44 p.m.
Do Something Pretty While You Can
P. told me about how at the wake of his friend Ray's father, Ray was a rock. Ray's brothers and sister cried, but Ray just sat there.
"You alright?" P. asked.
"Yeah. I'm alright," Ray answered.
Not long after the funeral, P. asked Ray how he was holding up.
"I'm alright," Ray said.
"Dude, I dunno how you do it. You seem so strong after all of that."
"The way I see it," Ray said, "is that I don't have any unfinished business with my father. I went away to college; I put myself through school; I'm living my life on my own terms. Yeah, I'm gonna miss him, but he knew I loved him, and he knew that I'm living my life. He let me live my life; he respected me; and I respected him. There was an understanding there."
"How fucking cool is that?" P. asked.
I thought about it last night and today, and I've decided that my mother and I don't have any unfinished business. The most fucked up part of all of this is having to watch her waste away at such a relatively young age.
Sometimes when I go out, I look at some of the old, white-haired women eating together, or shopping and I think, "That should be my mom. She shouldn't be dying right now." Then I wonder if she'd really want to get that old. Then I think, "Fuck! It's better than being dead." But then I think, "Is it really?" And I don't know.
I guess the cliches are true:
One should live one's life to the best of one's ability.
Don't have any regrets.
Follow the Golden Rule.
Carpe Diem.
Take care of yourself.
Try to make a positive difference.
Don't be afraid.
