2004-06-12 - 3:50 p.m.
The City That Works Out
To prove that we’re not just a city of dumpy, lazy, fat asses—or rather, to encourage our citizens to exercise—one can find a logo that reads “Chicago Works Out” spray painted on a sidewalk in just about any park. The logos are put there by the Mayor’s Fitness Council. According to their Web site (http://www.chicagoworksout.com): “The Mayor’s Fitness Council promotes, encourages and motivates the development of a physically active and healthy lifestyle for Chicagoans of all ages.”
As I rode my bike on North Avenue beach yesterday morning, I noticed that a sidewalk there has an extra-special logo. It has different colors in it, whereas the others I’ve seen are just white outlines. As people jogged toward me in sweaty t-shirts bearing the names of their alma maters, I realized that these were not real Chicagoans at all. These are the people whose jobs brought them here or who moved here after college for reasons unknown to me. Sure, they could’ve come from the suburbs, but technically, that would be “the Chicagoland area” and not the city proper. The real Chicagoans are getting their unhealthy bodies ready for work or are already on their way to work at 5:30, 6:00, 6:30 in the morning—perhaps even earlier if they’re garbage men, or truck drivers, or if they work shitty shifts. The runners, joggers, and creepy bicyclists zipping by on their expensive road bikes are probably used to jobs where they don’t have to punch time clocks, and so they can afford to be into fitness. They probably always have and, most likely, always will. It’s pretty fucked up to see someone who looks fit, but who lacks a personality…or a soul. The Mayor’s Fitness Council should sponsor a “How to Develop A Personality” workshop or “Letting Go of Your Inner Asshole: Three Easy Steps to Becoming Human.”
I once met members of the German band Can and, after guessing my ethnicity, the drummer said, “People in Chicago don’t look like you.” He was correct. Neither pasty nor pale, ruddy nor robust, at first look, people probably wonder if I speak English. Heh. Do I speak English? Yeah. Fuck You. Now go away.
