2004-06-10 - 4:19 p.m.
That Extra Half Inch Makes a World of Difference
Whenever I tell people I’m 5’7˝” they usually laugh and say things such as, “You are NOT.” It seems girls say that the most. Because of this, I thought that if I ever put a singles ad in a paper (which, of course, I’d NEVER do), the headline would read "That Extra Half Inch Makes a World of Difference." I think that would immediately make people want to keep reading or make them turn away in disgust. Perhaps the next line, “Looking for cute, brainy girl” would keep my readers’ interest, but “Must be clean” might be offensive to some.
I Guess Things Happen That Way
According to the large, older, gay men who have hit on me—because of my size and what they all inevitably call my “exotic looks”—I tend to attract large, older, gay men. It’s happened often enough that I’ve become used to it. When I get hit on, modesty makes me change the subject. When I’m not hit on, vanity makes me wonder what’s wrong with me. Suffice it to say (for some reason), girls aren’t attracted to my olive skin and muchacho charm. My friend Maximus Sunburn tells me that this is because whenever I’m around girls, I tend to act like “a mean-spirited child that just learned how to swear.” I guess I don’t disagree. (I also think that’s one of the nicest things anyone has ever said about me to my face.)
Anyway, I thought about this because as I walked east across Clark Street on my way back from lunch, I passed a swishy guy who was walking west. As we passed each other he said, “Wow!”
